So you're interested to learn more about me, the famous travel reporter, Buzz the Bumbleee? Well, you came to the right spot - I love talking about myself, even when nobody asks me to.
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| Buzz the Bumblebee on an assignment as a travel reporter. |
I was born some time ago (no self-respecting bumblebee ever discloses its age) in a small hive in the middle of nowhere. It wasn't long before I discovered my greatest passion, traveling, and have been living a life od adventure ever since. Being the restless and curious soul that I am, I experienced a lot of things, many of them good and some of them bad. There are many tales about my exploits, as you will undoubtedly hear, as well as a fair number of embarassing moments which I've not been able to cover up. Those are all lies I tell you, lies made up by envious people!
My previous work experience included banking, which really wasn't cut out for me - I was confined to a desk all day. Ball and chain, grinding from 9 to 5 every day. Approving loans, doing paperwork, getting yelled at, yadda yadda yadda. But traveling isn't cheap, so I had to do something to pay the bills; a bumblebee has to do something to get by. Rumors that I had been approving loans to myself arose, which is, of course, pure nonsense. My rising debt has absolutely nothing to do with it!
Getting employed as a travel reporter at The World Buzzette was like a dream come true for me, and I could finally quit that soul-destroying position. I get to travel for free, and they pay me to write about different places - those are the two things I like most. Well three things actually; traveling, writing and paychecks. What more could an honest bumblebee ask for? Well, a raise and five-star accomodations would be nice. And bigger deadlines. I hope my boss doesn't read this, though, or I will be doomed to el cheapo hostels. Or worse - camping.
In my free time I enjoy reading science fiction novels, playing buzzketball (it's a special game for us bumblebees) and table tennis, studying philosophy books, playing video games, collecting stamps from all over the world, going to bars & restaurants etc. I particularly love reading Batman comic books while enjoying a nice Cuban cigar and gin with tonic. Even better if I'm doing it laid back in a hammock spread between two palm trees bearing coconuts on a beach, with lovely Hawaiian bumblebabes attending to my every... erm, sorry, I drifted away a bit. But anyways, I love Batman.
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| Buzz the Bumblebee during his banker days. |
My favorite band is, withouth a doubt, the Buzzcocks! I just love old rock music, it always gives me some positive buzz when I'm feeling down. When I'm writing or doing chores, though, I prefer listening to jazz. It relaxes me and stimulates my abundant gray matter. Food for the soul, you know. Much like playing video games! Vintage PC games really amuse me, especially those from the 1990s. I don't care much about the newer titles; the games from back then had character, and weren't focused on just appearance. They were packed with interesting plots, cleverly designed characters, ingenious innovations, unexpected twists and all those things that made them interesting. As is the case with a lot of stuff, they just don't make 'em that way anymore. It's all about the profit now, quality is not important. My little wings sag with dissapointment every time I ponder on this.
Sadly, I'm allergic to pollen, so springtime is a nightmare for me. And I'm always ridiculed by fellow bumblebees, since I always stay as far away from flowers as possible. I can't perform my primary function as a bumblebee, they say. Well, see the world I say! Nothing is preordained, we all have our free wills and the option to do whatever we like. I wasn't born to be a pollinator, so I found another place under the Sun for myself. Those conservative insects could not think outside the box if their lives depended on it. I'm not a typical bumblebee, and I'm proud of it. Even if I seem a little bitter at times. Many great minds were bitter at the world.
You humans often say that we bumblebees should not be able to fly because of our physiology. Well, we are not floating on our own hot air, like some modern scientists, are we? If not for the obvious fact that we ARE flying, those same scientists would be arrogant enough to push their theories as facts. People even call us cute and chubby, but as soon as we flash our stinger, our cuteness abruptly ends. Ah, the standards of humans... you have to love them though, they are a lovely and thoroughly confused bunch. Quite entertaining, if I may add!
Another thing I can't stand the sight of is pigeons. Those urban flying rats are everywhere! And they always look at me in a funny way, as if they want to eat me. During the time I was working in a bank, I've also learned to be wary of IT guys - and I suggest to stay away from them whenever you can. They are out to get you, I'm telling you! Whenever I brought my laptop to the IT department, they returned to me in even worse condition than it was in before, claiming everthing was fixed. Always blamed me for visiting suspicious web sites. Me, Buzz the Bumblebee, visiting suspicious web sites! How rude, covering up their own incompetence with outrageous accusations.
Well, I guess that's enough about me. For now. I believe you enjoyed reading my magnificent biography and that you will became my faithful reader!
Until we meet again; yours faithfully, Buzz the Bumblebee.
P. S. Please support the Bumblebee Conservation Trust! My species will be very grateful to you.
